The Mystic Pizza
by Silberner Wolf
Summary: Harry, Ron, and Hermione order a pizza. Chaos ensues. (seventh year)


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The Mystic Pizza

This is what you get when my friends and I are bored. Crazy ideas spawned at the strangest times. This was co-written with **Ailill**, one of my insane best friends.

Silberner

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Disclaimer: We wish.

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"Yes...That will be all...Thank you." Hermione Granger set the phone back onto it's cradle. She pushed aside a slightly wavy strand of hair and looked at the boy on the couch as she sat next to him. "It should be here in about twenty minutes."

Harry stared at the television screen with slightly glazed green eyes. "All right," he mumbled, changing the channel. He stopped it when it hit an opera channel and stared at it in horror. 

"Holy chicken, mate, turn that thing off!" a voice yelled over the shrieks emanating from the television. Harry turned off the device and turned to face the redhead in the doorway.

Ronald Weasley held a bag of potato chips in one arm and was using the other to stuff chips into his mouth. 

"Ron put those away! Pizza's gonna be here soon!" Hermione scolded.

"Fine, fine. I don't see what the big deal is. It's _only_ pizza!" Ron exclaimed, rolling up the bag of chips and licking each one of his fingers clean.

Hermione stared at him then looked at Harry who leaned over to her. 

"He wouldn't understand. He's never had pizza before," he whispered conspiratorially to the girl.

"Never had pizza?!" Hermione stared at Ron. 

"It's a Muggle food," Ron shrugged. Hermione stared.

"Mad. Utterly mad,'' Hermione muttered under her breath. 

Ron shook his head and plopped down on the sofa, watching snow fall gently outside the hotel room window.

It was winter break, and as a present to Harry and Ron, Hermione took them with her on her family's yearly winter trip. Her parents had been invited to a Christmas party and left the three teenagers alone in the hotel with room service and a twenty-five pound note for pizza. 

"What is pizza anyway?" Ron asked. Hermione sighed. It was only the thousandth time she'd told him and this time was going to torture the living stomach out of her. They hadn't eaten since they arrived at one o' clock that afternoon.

"It's food," Harry said sarcastically. Hermione shot him a glare. "What? It's not like you were going to explain _again_." Hermione folded her arms and sighed. He was perfectly right.

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Twenty Minutes Later...

Hermione opened the door and peered down the hallway. Frowning, she shut the door and stared at her watch. "Harry...what time do you have?"

"7:01," he said dully, still staring at the television. There was a strobe effect as he flipped through the channels. 

"Wait!" cried Ron, stopping Harry's channel surfing. "Back...back...What's that?" he asked when Harry got back to the channel. Both Harry and Hermione stared at Ron as if he were insane. "What?" he finally demanded.

Harry looked back at the screen and his jaw dropped. "An infomercial on–" Hermione snatched the control and quickly turned the television off. 

"I think that was enough tv for now..." she said slowly. Harry was quick to agree. "Why don't we unpack?" she suggested. Harry nodded and leapt up. On her way out of the room, Hermione looked furtively back at Ron before stuffing the remote into a drawer.

@~`~,~ 

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One Hour Later...

After unpacking and arranging and rearranging their things several times, the pizza had still not arrived. Hermione was sitting on the couch and looked like she was about to go mad and Harry was obsessively searching for the remote. Ron stood in the doorway watching them in bewilderment.

"Are you all right?" Both turned toward him very slowly with strange smiles.

"Of...course..." rasped Harry, looking anything but. He returned to tearing apart the room in search of his quarry.

There was a knocking on the door. "PIZZA!" Harry and Hermione bellowed. They leapt up and sprinted toward the door. Ron, startled, yelled incoherently and a jet of light shot out of the tip of his wand, which had somehow found its way into his hand. It hit the door, which glowed brightly for a moment before going back to normal. There was a _thud_ as something, presumably the pizza boy, fell to the floor outside and a _WHUMP_ as both Harry and Hermione collided with the door, which, it seemed, Ron had accidentally sealed.

Hermione pounded vainly on the door as Harry turned and slowly advanced on poor Ron. "Unlock...the...door..._now_..." Ron stumbled backwards and Harry, looking increasingly insane, continued his advance. There was a crash as something made of glass fell to the floor and shattered.

"Harry?" said Ron weakly. "Harry...what are you doing?" Harry had drawn his wand (Ron wondered why _he_ didn't just open the door) and had a mad gleam in his eyes. "Put it down...don't point that at me..._NOOO!_"

@~`~,~ 

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Ten Minutes Later...

Issac was becoming very disturbed by the sounds coming from behind the door. Aside from the pounding on the door, there were also screams and a myriad of small explosions. He would have left long ago, but his boss was close to firing him and he did not care to lose his job. 

Finally, the door opened and three disheveled teens stood before him. There was a girl with reddened hands and her eyes were watering. Beside her was a boy with dark hair and glasses, who was panting slightly and had a cut on one cheek. Behind them was a pink-headed boy who was gasping for breath, clutching a table for support, and wearing the strangest assortment of clothes that he had ever seen.

The dark-haired boy took the pizza, the girl paid. They made to shut the door, but Issac stopped them. "What happened?" he asked, looking pointedly toward the boy in the back of the room.

"You saw nothing," the boy with dark hair said flatly. Then next thing Issac knew, he was driving away from the hotel and humming tunelessly to the radio.

@~`~,~

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In the Hotel Room…

Harry and Hermione had patched up Ron as well as they were able. His hair had been returned to normal and Hermione had performed the countercurses to all of the hexes he had been hit with. She had complimented Harry on his knowledge of spells.

"I'm sorry, Ron…it's got a Permanent Sticking Charm on it," Harry said.

"_WHAT?!_" Ron bellowed. "You mean I'm _stuck_ in _this_?!" He gestured to the hideous and frilly pink and yellow dress that had appeared over his clothes. It was not a pretty sight.

"There's nothing we can do for you now—" Hermione began.

"So give us the pizza," interjected Harry.

"Fine," Ron grumbled. He summoned the pizza with a flick of his wand. Harry snatched it and ran toward the couch. Hermione went to the kitchenette and got three plates.

She flopped down beside Harry and Ron sat on the other side. After passing out the plates, she swiftly grabbed the largest piece and began to stuff it unceremoniously into her mouth, completely ignoring the plate. Harry followed suit and, when he thought it was safe, Ron took a piece. He took one bite and began to do as the others were doing. Within five minutes, the pizza was devoured. Hermione had unearthed the control and they guzzled caffeinated soft drinks as they watched a gameshow.

After a while, Ron sat up and turned to the others. "Let's get another!"

Hermione went to the other room to use the phone.

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Thirty Minutes Later…

"PIZZA!"

Finis

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Please review!

Silberner Wolf


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